Allergies and Jealousy

This was perfect. The other day, I walked over to Dharma yoga with a friend and on the walk there, we talked about being jealous of others...Oh and the fact that we had been suffering from allergy related symptoms, sore throat, stuffy nose etc...Jealousy and allergies, both uncomfortable...both a nuisance in my opinion. I never had allergy issues before moving to Austin...but jealous, yes! my whole life. I remember the first time I felt jealous. It was in elementary school. I recall sitting on a lunch table comparing the size of my legs to those of the girl sitting next to me and thinking...gosh I wonder why my legs are so big! i want hers. I wanted what someone else had...I coveted my neighbor's belongings. Lately, feelings of jealousy have been surfacing for me again. It's crazy...now I feel like my yoga teaching is really being tested and I'm feeling vulnerable about it. Like, I'm suddenly looking at myself teaching from a birds eye perspective...a lot of the nervousness that I felt in the beginning of the process has burned off and now I'm running on the fumes of my own self criticism. Suddenly I'm thinking, could I have done that better? Did I give the 'correct' instructions? So much pressure that is all coming from---me. So in this process of self-assessment I have been heavy on the coveting...heavy on the jealousy...Of what though? I'll be honest...I can't truly say that what I am jealous of is rooted in any sort of reality. It's more like my own perception of what I think is happening is getting the best of me. For example, I see another yoga teacher so composed and experienced and I think---man, I wonder if I'm anywhere near their level...I wonder if I'm in the 'correct' place for having been teaching for a year? So many thoughts going on in this busy little head. I should be kinder, this much I know.

So my friend and I arrive at Dharma yoga for the Saturday morning class which is always super packed to the brim with students and what does the teacher focus our attention on in class? You guessed it! Jealously and allergies. She urged us to think about our own desire to be like others around us---and how we often do this to the point of losing sight of what is beautiful about ourselves! She touched on a nerve and I felt my heart light on fire---or rather, become so very light. I was like, ok Brooke... breathe. you are exactly where you need to be. You ARE a yoga teacher--you are working toward becoming better and improving and touching the lives of your students---be kind, be kind, be kind! Thankfully, my friend was in the class to witness this synchronicity, so that I didn't walk away from it feeling like a crazy person. And the allergies, well they are a pain and certainly make pranayama a bit more challenging, but it's also something to push past and be extra kind to the body because of.

So, working on this jealousy thing because I don't want to miss out on my own precious experience which is just getting started. So beautiful.