Spanish

So,
Today I get a call from the Center for Child Protection and the conversation went as follows:

Man: "Hello is this Brooke Binstock? we'd like to offer you an interview. Is it true you speak Spanish?"

Me: "Um....well, I'm proficient in conversational Spanish."

Man: So how comfortable would you be with a client who only speaks spanish?"

Me: (After a pause) "Medium comfort level..."

Man: "And group therapy?"

Me: (thinking...in Spanish?!?!?) "Um, very comfortable"

Man: Well great, do you have time to be interviewed next Thursday?"

Me: Yep. See you then.

I got off the phone with a pit in my stomach and rosy cheeks. This man thinks I speak Spanish!! And that I am bilingual. My Spanish is just ok...having taken it all throughout high school and living with a host family is Costa Rica...however, after my college years and grad school having interacted with only a couple people in Spanish...my speaking abilities are tarnished and mediocre at best. Anyway, this should be an interesting interview. I look at each one as a learning experience...where midway through some of them, I freak out by the job description. One of them was: 'well, the program doesn't actually exist yet...that would be your job.' Another: 'would you be comfortable referring clients to services that we don't even know about yet?' So obviously these are really new positions...maybe not fit for the emerging social worker. I'll just keep going to interviews I suppose. Though I truly hate putting on a fancy outfit that is a far cry from my usual spandex attire.

Transitions

I spoke with one of my dearest friends on the phone today. She is such an inspiration to me and I often think of her when I'm going through tough times and especially now that I am transitioning. She sent me a letter in the mail today and I want to share the quote the included in the text:

"Nourish your life. Nourish your mind, spirit and your soul with at least as much attention as you give your body. What you take in--what you pay attention to, will closely reflect the quality of what you give out." Choosing Happiness by Stephanie Dowrick.

I love that. It's really true. When I am absolutely taking care of myself, I feel so much better about what I'm putting out. And it's part of my job as a yoga teacher to put out positive energy to my students even if I'm having a bad day. So, thank you Elizabeth...that really helps.

Also, I've been thinking a lot lately about how transitions can really be difficult. Truly. Especially for this monkey mind. Truly I am building my life as I have always wanted to. One step at a time. One resume at a time....one yoga class after the other. Ironic how I counseled young boys all semester as they transitioned while maintaining a calm and positive attitude about their future...whilst doubting my own abilities at times.

I think what makes the transition a bit easier is the tremendous support I receive from my friends, family and boyfriend who are there to help bring this hot air balloon down to earth. My family has shown me that if you want to do something, you have to put your energy toward that thing and you can make it happen. My middle sister just published a book, my mother just landed a job as a psychotherapist in an agency, my youngest sister works with children with downs syndrome and my dad is the most tremendous and accomplished human being I know. He works tirelessly and is a huge inspiration to me as an emerging adult. If I ever think, "I can't do it," I think of them and all they have accomplished. My friends constantly make me laugh and remind me to breathe and consider the reality of the situation. My boyfriend believes in me even during my most panicky, anxious and doomed states of mind.

I just wish people would talk more about the ugly parts of the transition process because surely it isn't pretty for everyone. There are rough edges, corners at every turn and constant reconsiderations, tough decisions, and the immense wish to consider the best for YOU while the chatter of others is so intense.

Will keep this updated over the next few months.

Things I am grateful for: A list Aly would do daily,

-Supportive people all around
-yoga and my new love, pilates
-letters from friends
-coffee
-Elliot Smith

Graduate WHAT?!

It has been an inordinate amount of time since my last post, which was as I see about an injury I incurred as a result of an over confident, over intoxicated show-off version of me trying to impress my beloved mother. Remembering that time makes me laugh. Then, Brooke, about to impart on year two of graduate school, excited by the prospects of the coming months drank a glass of red wine in a hotel room occupied by her mom, dad and youngest sister. Yoga, my best friend, confidant, mirror into my deepest soul and oftentimes, enemy (a very complicated relationship you can imagine) was in everything I did in the summer of 2010. Having just completed the Dharma Yoga Teacher Training 200 level, I was dreaming in asanas, thinking of third-eyes and attempting to balance my chakras and cater to my doshas at any given time. The wine, liquid courage, equipped me with stupidity to lunge full force into a split (hanumanasana---Monkey pose). A popping sound that I will never forget infiltrated the room and then silence. I couldn't hear or see for a split second. I announced "yogamergency"---which you have to admit is quite witty. That injury has still not healed, though it has transformed from then to now into a mere annoyance, which I suppose is way better than excruciating distraction.

When I think back over this past year, I have learned so much. One of those things is that oftentimes when you plan and plan and plan, what unfolds can and most likely will look different than you imagined. Exactly one year ago, I imagined myself teaching more yoga or becoming a yoga therapist...working part or full time as a social worker. Currently, both are true but in different forms than I pictured. Teaching yoga is a job. It is not what I once envisioned. I would look at my yoga teachers and think, they teach yoga...therefore...they must be at all times serene, perfectly content without a smidgen of self-doubt. WRONG! At least for me, brookeyogi. I have suffered (or what feels like severe suffering) from a great deal of anxiety due to decision making, trusting my gut instinct, the obsession of getting everything right the first time, no room for mistakes etc. and i am a yoga teacher. Amazing right?

Anway, I'm taking my LMSW exam tomorrow. God help me. If I pass, I promised myself tickets to the Of Montreal Show later that night. If not, well, it's God's way of showing me yet another time what a miserable test taker I truly am and that my way of thinking is too abstract to pick just one answer. Let's hope it's the former. I would really enjoy seeing Of Montreal for a second time, even though their first show was incredibly exhausting. There were like 1000000 costume changes and they played for nearly 3 hours.

Before I try to go to sleep for the 3rd time, I wanted to post this idea I had. I think I am going to offer a yoga class/course/group to people in the helping professions. This includes social workers of course, but also nurses, doctors---anyone dealing with the complexity of human beings. I need more time to think about the details, but I think this might be a good thing to devote at least part of my summer to.

Here's hoping to at least a 70 percent on the exam, a pleasant tomorrow and a good night's sleep...NAMASTE.

Yogamergency

A little over two weeks ago, I attempted to do a split with my right leg forward. In yoga, this asana is called Hanumanasana or Monkey Pose. It was named after Hanuman or the Monkey God, who simply took a leap and landed in a full split. Easy enough, right? Wrong. I remember being able to a split before in gymnastics class when I was younger, so I thought, of course I can still do it! No problem. So, with my mom and sister as my audience, I attempted it or rather, did what Hanuman did and slid right into it without warming up and heard a horrendous popping sound all the way down my right hip. Then my vision got fuzzy for a few seconds and I thought, I am never going to be able to practice yoga again. There goes my passion, my future, my everything. I'll have to find something else to do. Then I said, ok...I just had a yogamergency, I need to go to the hospital. My mom, still chuckling about my silly mistake said, no no you're ok, just fill up the bathtub and sit in there for a while. So I did and talked on the phone with some yoga friends who said I should be ok...that as long as I could still bend over, I'd be fine. Phew, that was a relief. I went about my normal routine, both teaching and taking yoga classes. I noticed a tightness and stiffness all the way down my hamstring and pain in my Piriformis (pictured above). I did nothing to care for the injury and was shy to let my teachers know...lesson learned! I will always tell teachers now at the beginning of classes if I'm injured. Otherwise, you never know what could happen.

I gave in the other day and visited a Sport's Medicine Doctor at UT who told me that it was most likely just a pulled muscle and that I should try to avoid forward folding if I could. I've learned the beauty of props, especially blocks since my injury. Never thought that I would have to work with an inflexible leg before---I was born pretty flexible, which got in the way of my yoga practice at first...so now that I can't do everything to the same extent as before, I am really struggling. But it has been humbling. I've learned to appreciate different parts of my practice and have turned inward a bit more, noticing new things. For example, I had no idea how much I relied on my thumbs in practice...but yes, I do! Also, taking more time to transition from one asana to the next has helped me use my core a bit more. So, looking on the bright side of this pesky yogamergency, which I'm kind of grateful for these days.

patience and love,

Brooke.

Allergies and Jealousy

This was perfect. The other day, I walked over to Dharma yoga with a friend and on the walk there, we talked about being jealous of others...Oh and the fact that we had been suffering from allergy related symptoms, sore throat, stuffy nose etc...Jealousy and allergies, both uncomfortable...both a nuisance in my opinion. I never had allergy issues before moving to Austin...but jealous, yes! my whole life. I remember the first time I felt jealous. It was in elementary school. I recall sitting on a lunch table comparing the size of my legs to those of the girl sitting next to me and thinking...gosh I wonder why my legs are so big! i want hers. I wanted what someone else had...I coveted my neighbor's belongings. Lately, feelings of jealousy have been surfacing for me again. It's crazy...now I feel like my yoga teaching is really being tested and I'm feeling vulnerable about it. Like, I'm suddenly looking at myself teaching from a birds eye perspective...a lot of the nervousness that I felt in the beginning of the process has burned off and now I'm running on the fumes of my own self criticism. Suddenly I'm thinking, could I have done that better? Did I give the 'correct' instructions? So much pressure that is all coming from---me. So in this process of self-assessment I have been heavy on the coveting...heavy on the jealousy...Of what though? I'll be honest...I can't truly say that what I am jealous of is rooted in any sort of reality. It's more like my own perception of what I think is happening is getting the best of me. For example, I see another yoga teacher so composed and experienced and I think---man, I wonder if I'm anywhere near their level...I wonder if I'm in the 'correct' place for having been teaching for a year? So many thoughts going on in this busy little head. I should be kinder, this much I know.

So my friend and I arrive at Dharma yoga for the Saturday morning class which is always super packed to the brim with students and what does the teacher focus our attention on in class? You guessed it! Jealously and allergies. She urged us to think about our own desire to be like others around us---and how we often do this to the point of losing sight of what is beautiful about ourselves! She touched on a nerve and I felt my heart light on fire---or rather, become so very light. I was like, ok Brooke... breathe. you are exactly where you need to be. You ARE a yoga teacher--you are working toward becoming better and improving and touching the lives of your students---be kind, be kind, be kind! Thankfully, my friend was in the class to witness this synchronicity, so that I didn't walk away from it feeling like a crazy person. And the allergies, well they are a pain and certainly make pranayama a bit more challenging, but it's also something to push past and be extra kind to the body because of.

So, working on this jealousy thing because I don't want to miss out on my own precious experience which is just getting started. So beautiful.

Pride yoga!

So pride Austin is coming up quick! June 5th.

http://events.constantcontact.com/register/event?oeidk=a07e2wardo8e51a35d6

Me and two lovely yogis will be teaching a refreshing and energizing class in the park with tons of participants hopefully.

I am nervous but I think it will be a wonderful, wonderful opportunity for me and for the yoga community in general.

Deepening my practice this summer by going through the Dharma Yoga teacher training....Yes, another 200 hours will be added to my yoga resume...or whatever you call it. I hope to be a better and better teacher this time next year so that I can build on my personal practice and become the best for my students!

yay yoga. Will write more soon.

Namaste.

Yogic Frustrations

Can a yogi experience frustration? What if that frustration is a direct result of yoga? The holidays, lovely that they are...have been getting in the way of yoga classes in houston...they have been rescheduled/changed/cancelled etc. etc.

Today I took my sister, Melmel to the yoga studio I normally go to for a 6:00 basics class. We drove 20 min. to the studio only to find out that this class had been changed to 6:30, but it would be vinyasa flow instead of basics....so we left. I was going to try and come back to it after dropping melmel off at home but there was too much traffic on the way home, so I just laid around instead.

I am a creature of habit. I love routines and definitely enjoy getting into the groove of things. There are specific yoga classes that I go to austin and I could always rely on them to stay put on the schedule---but the holidays def. threw me for a loop with the yoga situation.

I'm hoping to make it to the 9:15 class in the morning---going back to Austin on Thursday to get reunited with friends and begin my second semester. I can't believe it!!!

MUCH love

Namaste