Spanish

So,
Today I get a call from the Center for Child Protection and the conversation went as follows:

Man: "Hello is this Brooke Binstock? we'd like to offer you an interview. Is it true you speak Spanish?"

Me: "Um....well, I'm proficient in conversational Spanish."

Man: So how comfortable would you be with a client who only speaks spanish?"

Me: (After a pause) "Medium comfort level..."

Man: "And group therapy?"

Me: (thinking...in Spanish?!?!?) "Um, very comfortable"

Man: Well great, do you have time to be interviewed next Thursday?"

Me: Yep. See you then.

I got off the phone with a pit in my stomach and rosy cheeks. This man thinks I speak Spanish!! And that I am bilingual. My Spanish is just ok...having taken it all throughout high school and living with a host family is Costa Rica...however, after my college years and grad school having interacted with only a couple people in Spanish...my speaking abilities are tarnished and mediocre at best. Anyway, this should be an interesting interview. I look at each one as a learning experience...where midway through some of them, I freak out by the job description. One of them was: 'well, the program doesn't actually exist yet...that would be your job.' Another: 'would you be comfortable referring clients to services that we don't even know about yet?' So obviously these are really new positions...maybe not fit for the emerging social worker. I'll just keep going to interviews I suppose. Though I truly hate putting on a fancy outfit that is a far cry from my usual spandex attire.

Transitions

I spoke with one of my dearest friends on the phone today. She is such an inspiration to me and I often think of her when I'm going through tough times and especially now that I am transitioning. She sent me a letter in the mail today and I want to share the quote the included in the text:

"Nourish your life. Nourish your mind, spirit and your soul with at least as much attention as you give your body. What you take in--what you pay attention to, will closely reflect the quality of what you give out." Choosing Happiness by Stephanie Dowrick.

I love that. It's really true. When I am absolutely taking care of myself, I feel so much better about what I'm putting out. And it's part of my job as a yoga teacher to put out positive energy to my students even if I'm having a bad day. So, thank you Elizabeth...that really helps.

Also, I've been thinking a lot lately about how transitions can really be difficult. Truly. Especially for this monkey mind. Truly I am building my life as I have always wanted to. One step at a time. One resume at a time....one yoga class after the other. Ironic how I counseled young boys all semester as they transitioned while maintaining a calm and positive attitude about their future...whilst doubting my own abilities at times.

I think what makes the transition a bit easier is the tremendous support I receive from my friends, family and boyfriend who are there to help bring this hot air balloon down to earth. My family has shown me that if you want to do something, you have to put your energy toward that thing and you can make it happen. My middle sister just published a book, my mother just landed a job as a psychotherapist in an agency, my youngest sister works with children with downs syndrome and my dad is the most tremendous and accomplished human being I know. He works tirelessly and is a huge inspiration to me as an emerging adult. If I ever think, "I can't do it," I think of them and all they have accomplished. My friends constantly make me laugh and remind me to breathe and consider the reality of the situation. My boyfriend believes in me even during my most panicky, anxious and doomed states of mind.

I just wish people would talk more about the ugly parts of the transition process because surely it isn't pretty for everyone. There are rough edges, corners at every turn and constant reconsiderations, tough decisions, and the immense wish to consider the best for YOU while the chatter of others is so intense.

Will keep this updated over the next few months.

Things I am grateful for: A list Aly would do daily,

-Supportive people all around
-yoga and my new love, pilates
-letters from friends
-coffee
-Elliot Smith

Graduate WHAT?!

It has been an inordinate amount of time since my last post, which was as I see about an injury I incurred as a result of an over confident, over intoxicated show-off version of me trying to impress my beloved mother. Remembering that time makes me laugh. Then, Brooke, about to impart on year two of graduate school, excited by the prospects of the coming months drank a glass of red wine in a hotel room occupied by her mom, dad and youngest sister. Yoga, my best friend, confidant, mirror into my deepest soul and oftentimes, enemy (a very complicated relationship you can imagine) was in everything I did in the summer of 2010. Having just completed the Dharma Yoga Teacher Training 200 level, I was dreaming in asanas, thinking of third-eyes and attempting to balance my chakras and cater to my doshas at any given time. The wine, liquid courage, equipped me with stupidity to lunge full force into a split (hanumanasana---Monkey pose). A popping sound that I will never forget infiltrated the room and then silence. I couldn't hear or see for a split second. I announced "yogamergency"---which you have to admit is quite witty. That injury has still not healed, though it has transformed from then to now into a mere annoyance, which I suppose is way better than excruciating distraction.

When I think back over this past year, I have learned so much. One of those things is that oftentimes when you plan and plan and plan, what unfolds can and most likely will look different than you imagined. Exactly one year ago, I imagined myself teaching more yoga or becoming a yoga therapist...working part or full time as a social worker. Currently, both are true but in different forms than I pictured. Teaching yoga is a job. It is not what I once envisioned. I would look at my yoga teachers and think, they teach yoga...therefore...they must be at all times serene, perfectly content without a smidgen of self-doubt. WRONG! At least for me, brookeyogi. I have suffered (or what feels like severe suffering) from a great deal of anxiety due to decision making, trusting my gut instinct, the obsession of getting everything right the first time, no room for mistakes etc. and i am a yoga teacher. Amazing right?

Anway, I'm taking my LMSW exam tomorrow. God help me. If I pass, I promised myself tickets to the Of Montreal Show later that night. If not, well, it's God's way of showing me yet another time what a miserable test taker I truly am and that my way of thinking is too abstract to pick just one answer. Let's hope it's the former. I would really enjoy seeing Of Montreal for a second time, even though their first show was incredibly exhausting. There were like 1000000 costume changes and they played for nearly 3 hours.

Before I try to go to sleep for the 3rd time, I wanted to post this idea I had. I think I am going to offer a yoga class/course/group to people in the helping professions. This includes social workers of course, but also nurses, doctors---anyone dealing with the complexity of human beings. I need more time to think about the details, but I think this might be a good thing to devote at least part of my summer to.

Here's hoping to at least a 70 percent on the exam, a pleasant tomorrow and a good night's sleep...NAMASTE.